Recovery

Not everyone becomes addicted to porn. However the effect of sexual conditioning on the brain especially in teenagers can cause extremely uncomfortable conditions that feel like addiction- such as escalation in the amount of time using it and thinking about it; escalation in the type of porn used to more extreme genres such as violence, porn involving children, development of sexual dysfunction including erectile dysfunction as well as depression, social anxiety, general anxiety and other mental health issues.  Some users will develop compulsive sexual behaviour disorder, or a full blown addiction over time. The focus of an addiction or compulsive habit is more compelling than any other aspect of a person’s life. This is as true for porn as it is for any other addiction.  Recovery reverses these changes. Slowly, the compulsive user relearns how to ‘want’ normally.

Activities that promote the production of oxytocin in the brain (bonding, friendship, voluntary work, animal companionship, physical exercise, time in nature, healthy regular food, deep sleep, performing arts like dancing, singing, acting, comedy, activities that express emotions like painting, drawing, writing and so on) all help reduce the cravings that are a sign of dysregulated dopamine levels. Oxytocin also helps reduce cortisol in the system the neurochemical associated with depression and stress.

It can seem as if it is only our ‘drug’ or behaviour of choice that can soothe the dullness and boredom. That is true only in the short term then the cravings come back and can be worse. The total focus of attention for more of it, whatever our drug of choice, and anger if it is removed, will keep happening until we are willing to go through the withdrawal phase. That is the process of removing the ‘glass from the wound’ and allowing our brain to heal and resensitize again to natural rewards. Some call it ‘rebooting’ the brain. It can be brutal emotionally and takes a lot of courage and persistance because it affects our moods so badly. It affects everyone around us too. If need be, people may need professional assitance to help them navigate the weeks of going through withdrawal. It can be done and tens of thousands have achieved it.

To fall in love or ‘pair bond’, we need a healthy balance of both dopamine and oxytocin. That is why addiction of any kind, which is characterised by the one-minded pursuit of a person’s drug of choice, is the biggest blocker to loving relationships. Addicts or those with problematic use become emotionally stunted, unable to give love, empathize or be aware of the needs of others. We need to help them and ourselves, rediscover the value of living life to the full in a healthy, creative way.

For more practical steps to recovery and prevention see The Reward Foundation’s 3-step models in Quitting Porn: